Sunday, 18 December 2011

Five Things I Have Thrown Out Today

1.  My yoga mat.  I mean, yoga - come on.  What was I thinking?  I spent my last class feeling sick and on the verge of tears.  This body was not designed to be upside down.

2. Red silk parasol.  Oh it was a lovely idea.  But -

                      a) I would look a tosser, and
                      b) I don't even go out when it's sunny

3.  All but the least skanky pillow.  Pillows are foul.  I'm sure you can hear things in them.

4. That old blanket with a hole in it.  I'm sure it had some sentimental value but I'm buggered if I can remember what it is.

4. Cuprinol woodstain for the outdoor furniture.  Yeah, that was never going to happen was it?

5. Various half-used tins of paint.  Don't tell the council.  Rubbish collection day may resemble a Jackson Pollock when they sling the bag in the truck.


  1. I can't possibly comment on every single post cos that would probably drive you mad - but I started from the beginning and have got this far in one go and have laughed and laughed for a hundred different reasons - but mainly for how you express yourself. You are a genius - snot-filled fucking genius. Can't stop - more reading to do.

  2. haha thanks - I'm relatively snot-free at the moment, thank goodness. Probably covered in banana though.