Part of me is mildly stunned that I can still get an audience at all; the rest is screaming PLEASE STOP. THEY ONLY WANT TO TRAMPLE YOUR LADYGARDEN. At my age I should know much, much better. Perhaps it's the Joan Collins in me refusing to look back, and blithely ploughing new and similarly crap furrows to last year's. Perhaps it's the only kind of gardening I can really do.
All over the place you see couples. It isn't that much to ask really, is it. I know they are probably bored with each other and are envious of my racy single lifestyle but flip me, wouldn't it be lovely to have someone who saw something and the first person he thought to tell was me because he knew I'd pee my pants about it.
I'm not entirely sure this will ever happen. For some people it just doesn't.
Dear, sweet Jane, go back and read your comments. Especially those from Maud. The guy was looking for his next four-letter word and that word was most emphatically not wife.
ReplyDeleteIt. Was. Not. You. It. Was. Him.
And although it hurts, better now than after months or years.
I know. You're right.
ReplyDeleteN'empêche que cela fera mal pour un petit bout de temps encore. Qu'est-ce que tu veux, tu es humaine! Bon courage-- je me permets de te faire une grosse bise.
ReplyDeleteI apologise for the somewhat trite nature of this post; I just felt I had to say it…
ReplyDeleteI thought I would never meet The One, then after many years of meeting a seemingly endless succession of self-serving bastards, and feeling exactly (and I do mean EXACTLY) as you do right now Jane, completely out of the blue I did. Unfortunately fate threw a bloody huge spanner in the works and he died suddenly three years ago.
Once life got back to something resembling normality I got to thinking about the future and stuff. Where to now? I realised that hadn’t a bloody clue, and more’s the point – it didn’t matter! I might meet someone else, I might remain single for the rest of my life, I have no idea, and without the benefit of a crystal ball (which if I'm honest I wouldn't really want anyway) I will never know what life has in store for me. But one invaluable lesson I’ve learned from the whole experience is that life is just too bloody short to spend it as I did in the years before I met him, falling for completely unsuitable types, then beating myself up and agonising over what might have happened, or what should happen, or what will happen, and how much better my life could be if only the right man would come along…
You’re only going to get one life, so live it and enjoy it for what it is right now, if you meet someone - great, if you don’t - so what? It does not make you any less of a person to be single. You are a funny, intelligent, articulate, strong woman; you have family and friends (real and virtual) who care about you. Keep on doing what you do well, and don’t waste time with the “what ifs”. x
Thanks for that post, Maud. I'm so sorry you lost your partner. What you say is absolutely right, as usual. Oddly enough I've never minded being single - my main problem is usually enjoying my own company far too much. It's only when I do try the old relationship thing and it goes spectacularly shit that I become Bridget Jones. Or Bridget Jones's mum.
ReplyDelete