Right then. Now then. First of all, stop being a fucking whinger. (That's directed at me, not you, lovely reader.) Yes, we all know you have problems, you and loads of other people. So you have a funny head, so fucking what. It's all you have to work with, so work with it.
Today I got a call from an agency that specialises in recruiting staff that have English as a first language. They do rather like it if you have other languages but are aware that I'm not exactly firing on that cylinder yet. And so, I go in for a Big Test thing in about ten days. No guarantee it will lead to work but at least they were encouraging. (Which another agency was not, sending me a bafflingly-worded, discouraging standard message from a fucking trainee. A trainee? I eat trainees for elevenses.)
So, seeing as language seems to be the problem here (and there's me getting 100% in my first French exam in 1973; where did it all go wrong?) I need to take that particular bull by the balls.
1. Enrol on a language course. Invest good money in this, it is going to furnish your future.
2. Stop panicking. It's taking a while to make sense of what people are saying, but there is a little progress and you are pretty old, so be patient. The panicking doesn't help.
3. Go to activities where people actually speak French.
4. Study. Yes, I know. All I mean is, for thirty minutes each evening do something a bit French. Kissing doesn't count. Listen to French news, read the French dictionary (I've always loved reading the dictionary, which I know is slightly odd), do homework for the yet to be enrolled-on French course.
5. Er...not sure if there is a five. Just know that you will get there. It might take a year, but you'll get there. And then it's in your head forever.
6. Nothing to do with French but I just wanted to say there was a massive blue and yellow macaw in Square Ambiorix yesterday.