Sunday, 12 May 2013

How Doris Day Affected The Cold War

This sounds like a particularly thorny GCSE history question but, in fact, it is a search through Google that brought a (needless to say disappointed) person to my blog.

I can't say for sure what role Doris Day played in the Cold War.  Neither can I direct you to lifeboats for sale, women in East Sheen to fuck, penis plumbing or, indeed, an Ebbsfleet car dealer cunt.  I really hope those searchers found what they wanted eventually.  To the person who was looking for dogging in Brussels - try one of the forests.  I can't say for sure but there's bound to be something like that going on.

A more sobering thought is that this blog is the first thing that comes up when I type my name.  That's almost fame.  Sort of.  Although I suppose if you blab on long enough you sort of become part of the internet furniture. 

I am not ashamed to say that I got many of my friends off the internet.  My last boyfriend was off the internet, as are all my shoes.  And actually this computer.  Quite how anyone survived before internets were born, I do not know.  I suppose we had to go outside and talk to strangers, as opposed to lolling at strangers online.  Although if you ever catch me lolling non-ironically,  you have my permission to wheel me out, shoot me, and then hang and quarter me.  Twice. 

And of course, without the internet, I'd just be scribbling in exercise books.  If Anne Frank had had the internet she would have been blogging her arse off, as well as being in charge of the Justin Bieber fan club.  Sadly it would also have meant that the Germans would have found her quicker.

So here's to the internet.  And if you find any lifeboats for sale, do let me know.


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