Making Good

When you have a broken head, you tend to think only something big can fix it, if at all.  (There is also simultaneously a claustrophobic sense that nobody has ever experienced this thing and it's unfixable).   Big things like daily medication, therapy; things that cut into your life and refuse to leave until there is a change.  Small things seem silly.  Like throwing tiny stones at an Easter Island statue.

But it's the accumulation of the small things that have made a broken head in the first place.  So surely an accumulation of small things can, if not reverse that, then fill it with spackle.  Sorry for the Americanism, but I love the word spackle.

Those small things cannot be reassuringly prescribed, or reassuringly expensive.  They will be different for everyone.  So in the spirit of collecting small things to spackle my head, I mean to do the following:

• Eat decent food.  I just had porridge with chopped apple, sugar and raspberry coulis.  Nice.  Woman cannot exist on bread and cheese alone, although I've given it a good try.

• Get a decent amount of sleep.  Going off at 2 and an alarm at 6 is not doing anyone any favours.

• Gradually create an environment that looks loved.  This is the hardest one for me, as I tend to let my place become the portrait in the attic; all the shit inside projected.

• Let go.  Forgive.  Oooh.  That's not small, is it.  That one slipped in unnoticed.

• Be patient and kind to myself if the first four things on this list sometimes seem impossible.